It's Official

When I thought things couldn't get worse with my Nana it certainly has snuck up on me and gotten worse. They found the primary source of cancer is in her ovaries and she is in stage 4 already. The cancer that they thought was in her lung is not actually in her lungs it's surrounding the lungs and trying to attach to everything. 

They are going to go over everything in a meeting with an oncologist tomorrow. The doctor will go over what procedures they are going to do and the the plan of action. The doctors have already suggested she go through surgeries and perhaps chemo. All of that will be decided tomorrow. I hope it goes well and isn't to overwhelming for my mom and her sisters. They need to be strong for my Nana and be her rock.

The hardest thing about it all is that my Nana feels really alone because my Papa doesn't know whats going on he isn't there for her. She broke down with my mom and is just really sad, she feels like she is going to be battling this all on her own. But little does she know that she has three daughters who are there for her and 6 grandchildren who are willing to do anything for her to help with this fight. I want her to realize that along with all of us she also has God who is with her no matter what. She is a strong Christian lady who needs to be sure that God is always her centre. I am learning every day from her whether she knows it or not.

I love my Nana and want see her overcome this cancer.

I Love My Nana

Shock is all I can describe right now for the way I am feeling. Only a few hours ago we found out that my Nana has been diagnosed with Cancer. This came out of NOWHERE as she has always been super healthy. She hasn't had any health problems throughout her whole life. Even two weeks ago we wouldn't have guessed anything. Now today she is going to start her battle against cancer. Unfortunately right now it is way to early to really tell exactly what the status is of her cancer. What we do know is that she has secondary cancer in her lungs but they are unsure of where the primary cancer is.

Tomorrow she is going to be transferred to VGH to see a respiratory specialist and then at that time will also be assigned an oncologist to treat her cancer. We will know more when she is transferred to VGH and they do another CT scan and have the specialist looking after her.

One of the hardest things that is going on with all of this is that my Papa has alzheimer's really bad and it has gotten worse in the last two weeks. He doesn't understand where my nana is and even when we tell her she is in the hospital he just says "let her stay there and rest" and then that's it he moves on to something else.

A positive thing I take out of all of this is how strong my Nana is and how rooted in the Lord she is. Her attitude is amazing and I truly wish that I could be there if I was going through what she is going through. She goes forward with her head up high and saying that "God is in control, my life is in His hands." She is at peace with what is going on but willing to fight for her life until God takes her away to Heaven if that is His will. I love her and want her to see all her grandchildren married as well as see at least one great grandchild.

I am really struggling with giving this to God and believe that He does have His hand in everything. It all seems so overwhelming and I am not sure how to cope or how to act. It's a struggle and I know that I need to be positive just like my Nana and know that if she goes to Heaven one day I will see her there.

I love her so much and want to see her overcome this. I want to be there with her throughout this so that she knows her family loves her and is praying every day for her.

Nana giving us a little speech and a prayer at our wedding 

Purchasing a Home...

Last April Ben and I decided to buy a house. It was a HUGE MASSIVE decision that was really exciting at first. Unfortunately I was in school so didn't have a chance to even see the house before we bought it. But Ben did and thought it would be a good first start home. Of course he said it needed a lot of work but he seemed extremely hopeful it wouldn't take to long to have the basement finished and ready for people to move in to help with our mortgage payments every month.

I knew this wasn't true as soon as we took possession of the house and I finally got to take a walk through and see just how much work was ahead of us.
I definitely wasn't ready for the overwhelming responsibilities that a house brings. I didn't know what to expect and wasn't sure what exactly it means when you become a home owner and on top of it all renoing a house and making a suite from scratch in the basement. We went from paying rent of $850 a month which included everything and that was it to now everything you have to pay in to your home. It all adds up, mortgage, gas, hydro, the reno and saving money for our property tax....AHHHHHHHH
It has been a very difficult transition for me from renting to buying a reno home. All I keep thinking about is how I am only 23years old and have all this responsibility. I have been struggling since we bought the house to look at the positive aspects of being a home owner.
Since I have started to see the house come along and progress is being made I am really starting to see it come together. I am finally starting to love my house and imagine the end of it all.
I am actually starting to get excited about designing the rooms and what the finished house is going to look like. I have decided that instead of concentrating on what needs to be done on the house I started a design book of what I would like each room to look like. I have put in the book pictures of furniture, layout plans and just overall looks of what I want to see in my house. Doing that keeps my mind off of where exactly the house is at right now. Progress seems slow but I have to be patient and understanding. I know that Ben is doing a great job and is working as hard as he can. Since he is doing the reno himself in order to save us money he either works during his days off or a few extra hours either before work or after work. So instead of nagging him about getting the house done I am looking on the positive exciting part of the house which is the design of everything and the gorgeous finished house that we own!

Some home shows I enjoying watching are:
     - Disaster DIY
     - Holmes on Homes
     - Design 101
     - Designed to Sell
     - Marriage Under Construction
There are a few more but I can't remember them off the top of my head.

Tough Day of Hard Work

Our house is finally starting to really come together. Today Ben, his dad and our cousin Trevor worked hard on wiring the basement. They got a lot done with three of them working hard. I got a lot done as well today. My brother and I did 3 loads of garbage to the dump. We ended up getting the backyard all nice and cleaned up. The only things we have left to take are the metal and copper and we need to cut down the two huge stumps. 

It feels good to have it nice and clean back there. I can start to see how our whole house is transforming. I cant wait to have the whole thing done. 

The Trailer This Morning Full of Junk

The Back of the House (Pile to the Left all Junk)

Delve

Lastnight I went to a worship night at my church. It was called Delve Extended Worship.
The dictionary defines Delve as:

                                 (A) To make a careful or detailed search for information

                                 (B) To examine a subject in detail 

  

For me it was a great time to relax, worship and reflect on the last month and just what a whirlwind month it was for me. I need to be filled with more faith and spend more time looking for my advice and information in the Bible and examine subjects from the Bible in detail.

Recently I have been thinking back to when I was in High School and how easy life was. I didn't have to work, I lived at home, all I had to do is go to school for 8hrs and hang out with my friends and play lots of sports. I attended a Christian school and was surrounded by likeminded people every day. The teachers were supportive and willing to pray with you at any given moment. At the time the forced chapel time once a week was painful for me as I thought it was a waste of time. Now I wish I could have a chapel time once a week where you worship, pray and just focus on God.

Along with going to a Christian school I was also raised in a Christian home which made it obvious that I would be a Christian. When I was at home everything revolved around Jesus. Once I graduated I started to work in the real world and realized that keeping up my Christian faith was very difficult. I have kept up with going to Church but once I lost my job over a year ago and started working a new job that had weird hours I stopped going to church for almost an entire year. It definitely has set me back in just my feelings towards faith and what I believe. I have been questing a lot and have fallen far far away from God.

So many things have gone on in my life in the last year that I have realized that the only way for me to be who I was when I was younger is to get closer to God and work on my Christian Faith. I am now ready and willing to put the work in because it is important in every aspect of my life especially in my marriage since Ben and I were brought together in the Church.

2011 To Do List

My New Years Eve this year was such an exciting one...NOT!!! I had just finished getting over the flu and has just gotten a nasty nasty cold. Sooo I opted for hanging out on the couch and watching movies with my puppy as my husband went to a party and promised to be home by at least 12:30 (which he was). I was fast in bed at 10:30pm since I wasn't feeling well so I didn't ring in the New Year and definitly didn't make any New Years Resolutions for 2011.

Instead of making resolutions I have been thinking more about things I would like to try or learn and things I want to get better at. I didn't want to make resolutions like lose 10lbs before March or exercise every single day or run a marathon in 3 weeks. I decided that making unrealistic resolutions is setting me up for failure and ultimately huge disappointment. Instead I put together the list below that is a list of things I want to accomplish over the entire year. Hopefully I can share all my new experiences I have and the struggles of trying to accomplish everything on this list in a year.

                                         * Read Bible & Journal at least once a day
                                         * Pray at least once a day
                                         * Tell my husband I love him every day (even if I dont feel like it)
                                         * Help out in children's ministry at Church
                                         * Read more books (instead of watching TV)
                                         * Bake something once a month (at least)
                                         * Cook new recipes & be more creative in the kitchen
                                         * Buy a sewing machine & learn how to sew
                                         * Be more creative & crafty
                                         * Learn how to be more frugal
                                         * Make a coffee table book of wedding photos
                                         * Copy all photo's on to CD's
                                         * Learn how to play the piano
                                         * Work towards finishing my associates certificate in business
                                         * Go bungee jumping & skydiving
                                         * Play in a sports league of somesort (dodgeball perhaps)

"On a personal level, Goal setting is a process that allows people to specify then work towards their own objectives. Goal setting is a major component of Personal Development."

2010 What A Year

This year was definitely a whirlwind year. It felt like it flew by in just a few sleeps and now officially I am on to the start of another year.


In a little nut shell Here are a few things that took place over the last year...


          1) January of last year I decided to return to full time school to get my

               business diploma (have not been able to continue with schooling)

          2) Got to enjoy all the excitement of the 2010 Olympic Winter Games

          3) April Bought a house in Burnaby and moved in

          4) Continually Renoing our house (brand new basement and upgrades to 

              the upstairs)

          5) July started to work with my Dad and helping him with his business

          6) August went on a trip to Holland and Germany to visit relatives

          7) September was working two jobs and decided to quit squash altogether 

              (one of the hardest decisions)

          8) October bought our new puppy a German Shepherd cross Lab named Nixon

          9) December quit my job at the Fairmont and am just working with my dad

          

Now that I look back at a list of the events that have taken place this year that I think are the biggest and took the biggest decisions it doesn't seem like a lot but at the time it all felt a bit crazy. The year has been filled with many changes and decisions. I am excited to see what the next year will bring and what exactly will happen........

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."